Monday, December 05, 2005

Shinny and pink! Just out of the bath




Had a nice chilled out sort of day today. Done some work, been to the post office, had nice long bath with my Robbie Williams tunes playing in the back ground (Playing One For My Baby and One For The Road from "Swing while you're winning" right now, suitably chilled).

There's something about swing, jazz, blues and soul music that always puts me in the mood for Christmas, I have no idea why! Always has. And it's not a throw back to my childhood or anything. My parents listened to classical music mostly, or musicals like My Fair Lady and Phatom of the Opera, and there was the obligitary Beatles albums too, but not Sinatra or anything like that. And yet in the dead of winter, that's what puts me in the mood for the holidays.

Go figure!

I'm being made to go food shopping tonight when I pick Yorkie up. Really don't want to! I'm calm and pink and happy right now. The super market will be crowded and hassley and no fun. Having said that, we have no food in, apart from 3 tins of beans and some frozen veggies, so I guess we really do have to go. *sulk* I also have to go and get that dredded jab in the ass tonight too at 7.15, which will put a cramp in my mood.

You know what I really fancy doing tonight? It's very much out of character for me, but this is it: I want to lounge on the settee, just me, the cat and a good book. I want to be curled up with the fire on, a few scented candles and a low lamp on - not the main lights. I want to just sit and relax, maybe with a few glasses of chilled wine and some Thornons chocolates. I want to play some chilled out music, just loud enough to hear and not interfer with my book. You know what I mean? OK, so those things might not cut it with you, but I'm sure we all get to a point where all we want to do is shut out the world, get warm and cozy, and just chill out, doing what ever we do that makes us utterly calm and happy. That's what I want.

It wont happen though. It'll be in with the shopping, out the door again, jab in my ass, and then home, when I'll have to cook tea for me and Yorkie while he sits on his ass playing games. Once we've eaten he'll fuck off back up stairs to the PC and I'll be left down stairs to finish trimming the tree he couldn't be arsed to finish, wash up, and if I'm lucky I'll get to watch a bit of TV before going back to doing some work, and going to bed.

No fun!

Still, I'm going out tomorrow. I'm off to see mum for the day, and when I get back Coops and Lelly are coming round for a DVD night (Sin City) and some drinks which should be nice. I might improve my mood a bit by going out and being social, plus I like seeing mum and it makes a change for it to just be the two of us. Poor Yorkie is always a bit timid round my mum and I feel like I have to spend time with one or the other of them, and I can't get them to mix together a bit better, and John tends to dominate conversation when I'm there too, so just being me and mum will be nice.

*sigh*

I just want to chill out for the rest of the night and not be bothered by any one.


****

UPDATE AT 11pm

Got a few mins to spare while I wait for ebay to note that I have paid them so I can make my listings for the night.

I went for my jab, and I now have a very sore right ass cheek! Saw a very nice lady doctor ( who commented on how much weight I have lost *grin* ) and went through the usual check list of questions. I mentioned that I was planning to come off the jab, and why, and so on. I told her the last time I was were the lady who saw me suggested the POP pill, and what did she think? She said that the POP pill wasn't as reliable as the combined pill, and if I had been alright on that way back when I was taking it before, there's no reason why I shouldn't be ok with again in the future. So I asked when would be a good time to make the switch. Bare in mind that we're getting married in a little over 18 months and we want to start a family not too long after. She said about 6 months! So that's this jab today, and one more, and then the switch!

That really doesn't seem like long at all! It's made me a bit nervy and a little scared, but not in a bad way. It's a bit like when you're near the end of a long line for a really scary rollercoaster.... one you've never been on before and are really looking forward to, while being scared shitless at the same time!

In my head I'm still only 16, not 26. I love the idea of being Yorkie's wife, and being the mother of his children. It's what I want, it's what he wants, and for the first time ever I actually feel like it's the right thing to do! (I mean, even though I was engaged to some one else before. That wasn't right. This is). But at the same time it all seems like such a grown up world and I'm too little to be part of it. Like the first day in high school, you know, after being one of the Big Kids in the top year of junior school, feeling so big and clever and then suddenly you're the baby again and everyones bigger than you. That kind of excited daunting feeling.

I was talking to Yorkie about it tonight and asked him how big a family he would like. After the inital 22 (which I spluttered and swore at) he said "2 or 4". 2 or 4???? Why 2 or 4???? Well, apparently 1s no good as it'll be an only child (Yep, I agree with that as I am an only child), and 3s no good because the middle one will feel hard done by as the eldest and the baby will "get more".... Mmmm, not sure about that being true, but he's adamant that he wants an even number of children. I can't see me popping 4 out, so I'll try to stick to just the two! And hope for one of each, lol.

Sadly, I know life doesn't work like that, but hey, there's no harm in dreams.

Well, ebay's let me do my thing now, so I'm off to bed. Maybe we can practice making babies!
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