This is my tiny little pumpkin - it's just fits into both my hands.... isn't it sweet??
We've only got a tiny one because there's only two of us, and I wasn't about to throw out all that pumpkin flesh (yummy) and if we'd had a huge one we wouldn't have been able to eat it all before we got sick of it, lol! I've stuffed up though, and over strached my self work-wise; I didn't go to the shop and get any pic-n-mix for the kiddies coming trick-or-treating! Doom! I might just give them fruit! It's better for them, not as much fun I know, but you can't have everything.
To be honest though I'm not having the greatest time of it at the moment. My head is all over the place, I can't sleep, and this morning I found myself crying for no reason what so ever. I just feel stressed and over tired.
Now, like I said in my last post, I know I suffer from depression in the winter months. I know that's the main reason why I'm feeling like I am. There are other contributing factors too.
- I've had a pretty stressful year with the whole MM kick-off from Feb. That ment I felt depressed for a huge chunk of the spring and summer this year.
- I am under considerable stress due to the fact I have started my own business this year
- I have no money spare - none at all, and I have XMas and my car's MOT looming very close
- My compnay has no spare money - I was hoping that my sales would have doubled by now in the run up to XMas, but they haven't. Not yet. I'm worried that I have tried to do too much too soon.
So I have to keep thinking postive:
- My family and my feller will not let me be without money for food, bills, occasional treats. All I have to do is ask and I can have anything I want (but who wants to ask for hand outs all the time?)
- My wonderful man has asked me to marry him! And every time I see that diamond on my finger I am lifted again.
- I don't need to worry about loosing my job if I feel too depressed to turn in. I'm already here! I'm my boss, there is no stress involved in getting here, no one who will hassle me, it's pretty stress free if I don't worry about the fact I can't do any spending.
- I know that it's just S.A.D. and that I can get help with it any time. Infact, I already have an appointment with my Doc to get my medication to keep me going over the next few months.
I'm not actually seeing my doctor until a week on friday. I could have gone tomorrow to see a different doctor, but my doctor is very good and very understanding. He himself sufferes from the same depression. He understands in a way that people who do not suffer from S.A.D never could, no matter how helpful they try to be. He always gives the right advice, always listens, and has never let me down in all the time I have been going to see him. Knowing that it will be him I go to see in two weeks is giving me the strengh to cope with the fact that I wont have my meds until then. Sound daft?? That's all part of the depression! In the past I have not had the best help from other doctors in that surgery - or any other. I'm not saying they are bad doctors, but I have what feels almost like a bond with my doctor that I have never had with any other. It's almost like seeing an old friend, or a kindly uncle. It's not stressful is what I'm trying to say, and that's important when I'm feeling like this.
It's already dark outside too. The clocks changed this weekend so it's going dark a hole hour earlier (that doesn't help the depression either, when the best cure is plenty of natural sun shine). I'll be going to pick Yorkie up from work in a few mins. HE said something about going to Asda to buy the new Shameless DVD (see, he's not worried about oney, he knows we'll be ok!). Maybe I can convince him to buy some sweets for the kiddies while we're there!
Here's hoping you all have a great halloween, and, to all my fellow S.A.D. sufferers.... Only 4 more months to go! Break out the Sun-Lamps, and Chocolates, and don't forget to go to the gym and get in as much sex as possible! Keep those endorphin levels up!