Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Unfounded rage

Well last night went OK. Yorkie didn't run and hide after all. We had a Chinese, and Marie selected the DVD for the night (Blade Trinity). We nattered, drank, ate, and had a laugh, and it was all very pleasant. I had to laugh at Debs and Marie who were hunting through a college course magazine looking for a class they could take to meet men, and all the classes ere random shite, like "Hum, holler n sing".....

BUT when they had gone and me and Yorkie went to bed I got the most horrible feeling of rage.... and for no reason what so ever! I'm putting it down to the combination of booze and my anti-depressants. I used to not be able to go any where near vodka when I was on my pills before because I got rage, so last night I avoided vodka, and had Baileys instead. I had 4 small ones over the night, and then switched onto soft drinks (mainly because the Chinese had made me thirsty, and Baileys doesn't really do the job) but I still felt really really mad, and like I said, for no reason what so ever!

And what's worse is that I still feel it today. Not helped by the fact that I have totted up my WW points from yesterday and I've had 12 more points than I am allowed (so I'll have put weight on by the weekend) so now I'm mad with myself for being a fat greedy pig etc. Rage!

I'm going to have to avoid booze for a while. I mean, if I can feel like this without anything happening, image what I'll be like if some thing happens that would make me mad anyway! I'll go off the deep end again and do something stupid, like hit some one or throw Yorkie out when he's not really done anything worth throwing out for.

Right now I just want to scoop out my head and put it in the fridge until it's cooled and calmed down.
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