So now I know what's been bothering him all this time, and why he's been a pain in the arse on and off (more on than off just lately). He's been worried about money.
I'll be the first to admit that we are strapped at the moment, things are certainly "tight" at the moment, but while I'm not happy about it, I'm not overly stressed. I know we have been far poorer than this in the past and if we can get through that we can get through this no problem.
The difference this time is that he's feeling the pinch.
Last time we were brassic it was when I was off work from Sainsbury's on Satutaory sick pay, then laid off when that ran out. During this time he wasn't working either. But because we weren't living together offically then I didn't take any money off him for household bills, he just chipped in with the food shopping.
Now he's living here, and he's the one bringing in the most money while my business is still in it's early days. Our household bills come to about 400 a month, and there are some bits which i pay for entirely by myself which are mine, like my visa card, gym membership etc. Of cause, once he's given me 200 towards the bills, and spent about 100 t0 150 on the big monthly shop, there isn't much of his wage left and he swears he was better off on the dole.
Way back when we were truely skint all my wage / sick pay / job seekers went on running the house. Every last penny. And all my savings, and money from my folks helpped out too. His job seekers went on nights out with friends. We lived off 10 pounds worth of shopping a week for the two of us and the cat. That's not much! And DAMNED if I'm going back to that!
I explained this to him, and said "no one can take our house or car away, we pay our bills on time each month, we have food in our bellies, and enough money for an occasional luxury. What more do you want?"
His responce "I don't want to have 'occasional' luxuries"
I'm doing my best with this business. I'm very sorry that I am not making more money out of it... but what does he expect? I've gone into it with next to no investment. I have no bank loan or anything like that to get me started on my way, and I am only one woman. I work my ass off and the fact I am still in business after my first year is - I think - bloody good!
I know he's worried about paying for the wedding, but he needn't be. I am the spoiled only child - and a daughter at that - of two parents who want to spend money on me. Mum loves the fact that she is planning my wedding and is really enjoying it. She voluteered to foot the entire bill!! Dad just loves to spend money, and spending it on me, and was crushed to hear that mum was paying for it all and insisted on paying half. I am their only daughter and as parents of he bride they want to give me a brilliant wedding.... and pay for it. What are we paying for? The rings, the hen and stag do, the honeymoon, and the coach to take our friends too and from Burnley form Lancaster. That's ALL! So the fact that we are yet to save anything significant isn't a worry right now. We can save for all that from October when my sales start to pick up.
Since this chat things have changed. He's found out he is being under paid.... 5p an hour under the minimum wage since October, which is about 2 quid a week for5 and a half months, so he has that to come. Natational Minimum Wage goes up again next month too, and he's due a pay rise anyway. My business has picked up too, and I am making money with my Avon (only an avarage of 50 pounds a book, but still, that's 100 I have made in the last 2 months for very little effort), AND Ann Summers should start at the end of this month which gives me 30% on anything I sell.
Things are not as bad as they have been, and they are getting better too.
He says "we don't have any money incase anything goes wrong", but clearly we do:
A) When i couldn't afford my tax bill, he covered it. Yes, we were poor for a month, but we survived.
B) The heating packed in. We afforded a man to fix it! it took a few days before the money was there to call him out, but we just wrapped up warmer for those days.
So we DO have enough money to cover problems, but when problems happen it means we don't have any extras that month, like weekends in the pub. Which, by the way, he seems to be able to afford..............
And with him being worried about money, it's funny how he seems to think we do have money for computer games and DVDs. I think his expectations have risen faster than our income. Ambition is a good thing, but you can't expect to be rich over night just because you finally get a job!
I know we're doing ok. Not brilliant, we're not well off or eben comfortably off, but we're not on the bread line yet.