Saturday, April 29, 2006

I hate the female body... sometimes (MEN, DON'T READ)

It's not so much that I hate it, as I hate what it does sometimes.

I am sure you all already know that I am off the Depo Jab now and am back on the pill after 8 years. it's microgynon 30 for those of you who might want to know. I was really worried about what my body was going to do to me with the switch over. I have heared all kinds of horror stories about coming off the Depo Jab (good and bad stories here) like having 6 month long heavy periods and all kinds of nastyness. I hate having periods. That's one of the reason why I started the Depo in the first place!

When I think about it, the are plently of things I hate my body doing, like sneezing, hiccuping, and basically anything that it desides to do all on it's own that disrupt what ever I'm doing. Sneezing it a pet hate of mine as I swear it's SO dangerous to sneeze when your driving! Your eyes close and your body spazems... it's can be safe!

So the thought of having to spend 1 week out of 4 either stuffing my box with cotton-wool mice (tampons) or wearing what are effectivly gummed nappied in my knickers (pads) AND feeling icky, dirty, moody, hot and generally grim... and the constant fear of being "let down" by my lady products and displaying a nast red-brown stain, is not one I am relishing.

But I was told that my periods might not come back for up to six months because have been on the jab for SOOO long. I finished the first pack of pill last tuesday. I had gone out and bought the pads and plugs on the off chance and was dutifully linning my pants and wearing PJs to bed (something ELSE I hate) just in case something leaked out. For three days nothing happened and I was just about to confine said lady products to the back of the bathroom cabinate, when guess what? Yep, "Aunt Flow" paid a visit.

YUK!

So now I was terrfied of having a flood. I had bought the "HEAVY" option with all products. I was always a heavy bleeder in my teens anyway, and the threat of even heavier bleeding after 8 years of none had me paniced.

I needn't have bothered! The body served it's usual 7 day sentance, regardless of the fact that on wednesday I started pack two, and I didn't stop "spotting" until Friday. So I guess that it wasn't sooo bad in the mess department, and it was only Friday to Friday (should be wed to wed). But it's all the other stuff that comes with it that I had forgotten about;

I've never really suffered from PMS (well, i don't think I have, others may disagree i suppose), and I'm glad to say that I didn't this time. BUT something new has started instead. Aching boobs.... and I mean REALLY FUCKING SORE! For a week before I came on my boobs were SO sore that I couldn't stand to have them touched, or to let them "hang free". Now, I am a large brested woman (currently 36G) so I don't go braless EVER, apart from in bed. For almost two weeks I had to sleep in a "secret support" vest top to hold them steady while I was in bed. And I seem to have starting with cramps. Something else I never suffered with as a teen. What the hell is all that about???? it feels like someone fired a cannon ball into your guts! I spent the whole week sat in my tracky pants! I hate that!!!!!

So I guess I have to live with this now every month until I'm pregnant, and then again between children until Yorkie's lust for fatherhood is satisfied, and then I can get back on the Depo - and STAY THERE until my body works out that it's too old for this kind of noncense.

Being a woman ain't so great. OK, so we can't accidently sit on our pods (which is SO funny!) and no one needs to know if we're aroused (we can just say we're cold, or wear thicker tops), but spending a quater of our adult lives oozing blood, with sore boobs, aching bellies, teenage skin and "stain" paranoia isn't much fun either! Plus is means that our men are walking around on egg shells for one week before it, and we can't "do it" for a week during it.... It SUCKS!

OK, end of rant
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