Monday, April 30, 2007

Battered Head Land

I've been here so long I'm thinking of running for Mayor!

I went to see Nan on saturday. Driving on the motorway freaked me out a bit after smashing the car up, but I coped with it in the end.

Nan looked so small and frail lying in that bed. It's heart breaking. She HATES it. Really and truely hates being in the hospital. We took some flowers down, but she couldn't have them. I didn't know she was in Intensive Care still. Brenda took them back to Nans so she can see them when she comes home this weekend. Luckily we took her a little book of adorable dogs to look at, which made her smile a bit. I thought she'd be missing her dog and as we can't bring him in to see her, this was the closest to next best thing. She wasn't really that intrested though. She's got 3 novels sat by her bed that she's not even looked at, same with puzzle books.

She wasn't on the drip though, which I took to be an improvment, but Brenda told me after that it was because they couldn't get a drip into her that morning. She had some drinks and some food on the table if she wanted them, but had no appitite.

We stayed for the full hour, trying to get some animated chat from her, but it was almost imposible. The only thing that really lifted a true smile to her lips was the though of my dad in a kilt at the wedding!

Brenda says she thinks Nan knows she's dying. None of the family have said as much to her, but ill as she is, she's not thick. She's worked it out. Or been told by the doctors and no one's said.

After that I needed some time on my own so I jumped at the chance when Jen asked me to baby sit Adam while she and Steff went to a birthday party I town (some one I don't know). Yorkie stayed home. Spending an evening away from everything what was me and my life, different surroundings, a good book to read, and Adams rythmic snoring coming through the baby moniter, chilled me out for bit. It was only for a few short hours because Jen's pregnant again and doesn't stay out late, but we stayed up and chatted for a couple of hours after. Jim popped in for a bit too once Jen came home.

Sunday was a down day for me. I couldn't get my head round anything again. I should have been fine, I had my car back, my college assignment handed in and the new class not starting for a few days, I'd seen Nan and been told she's be home soon with as much as 6 months left (better than the 2 we'd been told to start with), no work to go to. But I felt like shit. I couldn't even get into playing any games.

Strangely enough, I didn't start to feel better until today when I went to work. Go figure.....
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