Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Still sleepy

This is something I cannot shift. The constant desire to go to sleep.

On the other hand, the morning sickness does seem to have gone for the most part. I do have the occasional moments of nausea, but nothing like as bad as I was. I'm getting my taste for things back too! Like chocolate! YUM! Not that I can troff down tons of the stuff like I used to be able too, but I can't troff tons of anything at the moment. I'm starting to miss things like having a drink now too. I've had one Mackeson Milk Stout (a 330ml tin at something daft like 3.2%) and a third of a tiny glass of cider, and that's it.

But sleep seems to be the one thing that gives me the most hassle. I'm going to bed early most nights because I'm finding it hard to stay awake and I can't get comfortable sat on the settee or at my computer desk. If I'm asleep by 10pm then I wake up between 12 and 1am, and again about 4am to 5am. If I nod off a little later, like closer to midnight, then I'm up about 2am and again just before the alarm goes off at 7. Usually it's so I can go to the loo (I have never peed so much in my life!) but then it takes forever to get back to sleep again! So when I get up the next day I'm already shattered and end up nodding off early again and the cycle starts all over for the next day....

Last week was particularly bad. I was under a massive amount of pressure to fix a problem with one of our sites. It's connected to the M.O.D. so you need to be British and have the special clearance required for the site to go there. I am one of the only people in the company who has this clearance, and looking after this site has fallen to me. One other member of staff also has some clearance but - although he was trying to help - he just made the situation worse; irritated the contact customer, wound up the candidates for the job, and then lost all my paperwork. When it turned up the contact customer had it and it simply highlighted how badly the situation was being handled. Foolish me for daring to have a day off! It took over a week to sort everything out (and I still wont know till tomorrow if all my efforts were worth it) and every morning that week I woke up at 2am and then fretted about the situation and the job for hours, unable to get back to sleep no matter what I did. I just could not shift this whole mess from my head and go back to sleep! Friday it was taken out of my hands for a few days while this site work though the documentation and figure out clearance for my candidates. Friday night I slept through for 10 hours with one pee break, and I don't think I was fully awake for that - stumbling through to the bathroom and back having barely opened my eyes.

I find myself wishing I wasn't working, or at least only working part time. I'm at a nice stage of my pregnancy right now. I'm loving it! I'm starting to show now and I have bought my first two pairs of maternity trousers! Shame they are both too long for me, and I will have to take them up before I get so heavy that I can't wear my high heels any more. It seems that only women 5 foot 6 and above can get pregnant and shop at New Look... but at least the stuff is nice and if all I have to worry about is remembering how to sew a hem or a cuff then that's not too bad. The thing is I feel like I am missing out on REALLY enjoying it! I worked 10 hours yesterday, with a 2 1/2 hour break in between (thankfully), but it meant being up and out of the house by 8am, and then home at 8pm and then eating and off to bed. At what point do I get to relax and enjoy watching my new bump grow? I'm constantly tired and wound up by something that's happened at work (like last night - should have been working with 4 cleaners at a problem site. 1 didn't turn up, another was an interviewee who failed to show and when I asked if he was turning up started to ask me personal questions... the two who did come went to the wrong site and I had to fetch them which meant we started half and hour late, and therefore finished half an hour late, and because they didn't know the site I had to stay with them and clean with them right to the end!) and I - perhaps selfishly - want to be able to say "yes, I really enjoyed my first pregnancy" and I don't think I can. The pregnancy I am loving, the situation around me while it happens.... I'm not to happy with.

Speaking of which, I will be late for work if i don't sign off now. Roll on Thursday - my next day off and my home visit from the midwife! YAY! I can focus on being pregnant for a day!

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