Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Depressed

You know, I haven't had my SAD too badly these last few years. Or at least it doesn't seem like it at the moment. Right now, though.... right now I feel awful. I actually cried in Asda today when Jack had a total meltdown tantrum.

There are other things on my mind at the same time which aren't helping, like:

The job situation: The potential buyers are due a meeting at our office today. I'm glad I'm not there to be honest (although I'll be FBing Tamlyn later today to see how it went). They may or may not carry on with the purchase now we have lost so many important contracts, if they don't where does that leave the company? If they do buy us, is their any point in them keeping our office open?

Jack's Behaviour: I love my kids, I really do, but right now Jack is driving me crazy. It's not all his fault - far from it - he's bored and restless, so he's acting up. Constantly... When it's not winter I take the boys to parks and let them run off their energy. But it's been either pouring with rain, or freezing cold, and since they have both been full of cold I'm loathed to take them out in it. I have just bought them some waterproof trousers so I'm going to try to take them out in them.

Pregnant: Normally being up the duff has helped my mood, I think because I got plenty of sleep with both of my previous pregnancies. But now I don't get to have a nap in the day, and while Mark will be the one to get up with the kids in the morning allowing me to stay in bed, I'm still up by 7am most days.

In A Rut: My life is a bit stagnant at the moment. I am endlessly cooking / washing / cleaning / grocery shopping  and yet the house is still full to over flowing with dirty pots n clothes, piles of junk, and there's never anything new or interesting to eat.

The House: It's a mess... Constantly. I cant get into the wardrobe because of all the boxes hubby stores there, so all the clothes I wear are piled up on my dresser, so I cant use my dresser either. Jack's bedroom needs to become Jack & Tom's bedroom NOW but hubby is dragging his feet over fixing the bunks so they are safe to use. I need to turn Tom's room back into a nursery ready for Smudge, but can't do that until he's moved in with Jack. I need to get some space in our room for the crib, but cant do that until the nursery is sorted (the only place we can put the set of shelves currently in the space needed for the crib). There are piles and bags of kids clothes all over the place that I cannot sort until the nursery is ready (the clothes we are keeping but not using right now get vac-pac'ed and go in the nursery wardrobe - when I can get in to it - more boxes). On top of that, the regular chores are backing up because I cant do as much as I did as fast as I did before expecting Smudge on account of being huge, tired, and sciatic. Mark tries to help but he's slower than me. It'd take a week of solid laundry to empty the wash baskets, and the weather is not up to line drying.

I just feel overwhelmed. I need someone to come and take the kids for a few days, wear them out! Give Mark time to fix that damned kitchen (yes, 4 years on, it's still not right!!!) and sort out the bunk beds, give me time and space to wash n dry all these clothes, and pack away the kids stuff that's going into storage, and for both of us to just generally give the place a damn good CLEAN! It wont happen though... So we'll just have to live in shit.
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