Skip to main content

If I could change one thing...

If you could go back in time and change something in your life, would you do it?

I've had some rough stuff happen in my life. Some of it more serious than other stuff. Some stuff I'm not willing to post publicly. Some stuff that I am. My parents split when I was 9 years old after a rubbish marriage. I wasted 5 years of my life dating and then being engaged to a guy who turned out to be gay. I tried to set up my own business and it failed miserably. I'm still paying for that mistake.

But none of these are things that I would change. They made me who I am today. My parents are better off apart and have built new relationships. The relationship I had with my gay ex lead me to meeting my husband, we wouldn't have ever met otherwise. And as for the business... well I know I'm much happier being an employee!

So what would I change?

I'd go back and raise my eldest child like I'm raising my youngest. I'm not saying I've been raising Jack badly, he's turning into a wonderful young man and I am hugely proud of him. It's not HIM I would change, it's the way I was with him as a baby.

I'd never had much to do with babies until I had my own. Never been a baby sitter, no siblings of my own to help bring up, no real contact at all beyond a few minutes cuddle and then handing back to mummy & daddy. I was scared to death! I worried that I was cuddling Jack too much, or not enough, worried that I was neglecting him if I left him to play, or smothering him when I played a game with him.... It didn't help that I had a touch of the "baby blues" too. I went through a phase of resenting every feed, every nappy change, every cry for attention. It's not something I experienced with my other two. During this time I'd just shove a dummy in his mouth and try to ignore him for a few minutes while I tried to do something - anything - for myself even if it was just have a cup of coffee while it was still warm.

In short I wasn't enjoying him as much as I could. I didn't have the confidence to relax enough to enjoy him, even though he was the greatest love of my life!

Now I have 3 boys who are the greatest loves of my life, and I am more relaxed. I'm making better choices now. For example Georgie is still breastfed (usually just once a day now before bed) where as Jack was taken off the breast at 9m because I hadn't learned how to stop him biting. Tom fed for 12m 1w and self weaned. I'm planning on letting Georgie self wean too, and at almost 13 1/2m he's still wanting his mummy-milk. I could give you a dozen examples of what I would do differently, but I wont do that here today.

I do enjoy all my kids now. I have so much more confidence that I ever dreamed was possible  But I feel bad that I panicked so much when Jack was little. I wish I could go back and have him all over again with the knowledge and confidence I have now. But since I can't do that I'll have to make sure I enjoy every moment have have with all of them NOW!

Any my word of advice for mums (and dads) ENJOY YOUR BABIES! This cute little fella in these pictures is 5 years old now, gels his hair, says he has a girlfriend, and is planning his future career as pizza restaurateur and games designer. Anyone would think he was 15 not 5.


Popular posts from this blog


Now, we don't really do Romance, Yorkie and I. We're not the sort of couple that goes to posh restraunts, buy hearts and flowers on a whim etc, but last night we had a really sweet night. We didn't really do much that was classically romantic, it was the mood, the feeling in the air, if you know what I mean....?

I cooked us steaks for tea, which is always a winner for Yorkie (his second fav after anything pork) and had the candles lit in the front room. Not that I was going for a romantic atmosphere, I just like to have candles lit on cold dark nights.

We snuggled up on the settee together, watching nothing much on telly, all warm and cozy under a blanket, with the cat curled up o us. We'd been talking a little bit about the wedding and stuff, and about what my doc had said to me about what to do before we start a family. Yorkie's eyes went all soft and sweet, he was hugging me close and saying all the right kind of sweet thinks that I love to hear.

It was one of thos…

Tom's 1st Jujitsu Grading

It's that time of year again! Jack and Tom have been preparing for their grading since September. Jack is used to the whole process now, but for Tom it was the first time. This time we were taking Jack's friend Rory with us - he goes to a different school but does jujitsu with the same club.

Tom was trying for his first belt which is white. Rory was going for orange, and Jack was going for blue.

As usual parents can't stay to watch, so after dropping the three of them off I went for a wander to get some steps in for my own fitness (and a coffee and mince pie) with Freddie. In the freezing cold and bitter wind of Morecambe in December! Lucky old Hubby and Georgie stayed at home in the warm! Freddie didn't rate it at all - if he wasn't still 100% a boobie baby I wouldn't have dragged him out in it and left him home in the warm too.

When I got back to the school and queued up to get in and watch the belts be awarded I wound up chatting with another mum. We got on…

Tom wanted a go at cooking this week. And beef kofta curry was his choice! Big helping hand from mum but he worked had and we had fun singing in the kitchen while we cooked. This "teaching life skills" is alright you know

via Instagram