Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not Daddy's Girl

Thankfully Jack is fine after Tuesday's little trauma. He woke up bright and early the next day with no ill effects and asked for a fresh plaster which gave me chance to inspect the wound. It's still clean, and healing nicely. Phew!

I'm having a while different kind of trauma all of my very own. Namely, my dad. I've heard it said that all adults revert to teenagers in the company of their parents. This is very true with me and my dad, mostly because he still treats me like a kid. And I resent that even more now then when I was a kid.

To give any new readers a brief history, when I was little I idolised my dad. He encouraged this. Then he left. I was 9 years old and suddenly faced with a dad who wasn't a hero, but a man who had been having an affair for years with a woman he brought into our home (not a nice woman either), and to cap it all off, he didn't leave my mum for her but for a second mistress! Family and honesty mean everything to me. They clearly meant nothing to him. I'm 33 now and still cannot forgive him. Although I try to just get on with him. I only see him 2-3 times a year, and that's enough. By the time we part company I'm ready to see the back of him.

I guess this shows that I am, to some degree, still broken. Although I am determined to be a better parent and spouse than he could ever be!

Anyway... One of his "things" is saying he never sees enough of his grand kids. They are the main (only)  reason we see him as much as we do. I hardly ever got to see any of my family because he wouldn't let me see them. I wont to that to my kids (they'll soon make up their own minds about him). So while they're over this week we're spending 4 days with them. Tue & Wed (just gone) and Sat & Sun (coming up). The rest of the time they are doing their own thing and seeing her family. Yesterday my dad goes and books an appointment at Vision Express right smack bang in the middle of the kids lunch time - when we were supposed to be taking Tom for a pre-birthday lunch treat (Sounds odd? His brothers got dinner out on their birthdays and then  a party a few days later. Tom's party is ON his birthday, so he gets a dinner out another day to make it 'fair'). He could not understand why I was annoyed that he had booked it on a day he should be spending with the kids AND AT LUNCH TIME too... Makes out like I am the unreasonable one. I asked him why he didn't book an appointment somewhere close to where he was staying, on a day he wasn't spending with the kids. He stomped off and cancelled it, then sulked.

He's upset my kids too. Jack especially. Yesterday morning before my dad came round, Jack mentioned that Papee had been whispering in his ear, something about doing building something in the garden. He didn't like it, he didn't want to do it. But Papee had said he would like it. To anyone who doesn't know my dad that might sound like nothing, but he is very manipulative - he's proud of that too - and very controlling. He will happily enslave my kids to work in his garden (it's not an over reaction, there is a huge difference between kids helping out and pottering in a garden, and what my dad will have them do, I used to be that kid, and he does the same to his missus. Enslaving is not an exaggeration). I said to Jack that Papee should not be whispering anything to him, shouldn't make secrets from mummy & daddy, and cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do. If Papee was to whisper to him like that again, tell him to stop and come to tell me or daddy. Well, as soon as my dad arrived and walked in the door Jack laid into him verbally! "You shouldn't whisper in my ear and tell me I want to do things when I don't! And if you do it again I'm telling my mum and dad"

A little bit of me cringed because I didn't expect him to go off like that at an adult. But a bigger bit of me is proud that Jack has the confidence not to be drawn into any of my dads schemes and to set him right if he tries.

I'm thankful that Jack is this confident, and that Tom simply doesn't rate my dad high enough to pay him any attention. Georgie is still too young to be affected. There are only 2 more days of him. Sunday should be easy because that's Tom's party and there will be plenty of other folk about. Saturday is a little bit of a worry.... Me & Hubby have to go out for a few hours and leave the kids with Papee & Mamee. My dad wont have much to do with them really if they wont play his games, and his missus is good with them, so I'm hoping all will be well. But dreading the fact that it might well not be :0(






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