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Secret Diary Post - Anxiety for no apparent reason


Yesterday I thought I was starting with a panic attack. I used to get them years ago when I first suffered from SAD and again when a long term relationship ended traumatically, but it's not something I've had for a very long time. Like more than 12 years.

I started with the trembling, the aching tingle in my bones, esp my forearms and hands, my breathing went shallow, I could hear the blood rushing through my ears, I wanted to run and hide. But from what? I was just sat in the livingroom on my own. Hubby at work, Jack & Tom in school & nursery, and George having his nap in his room. I was totally freaked out for nothing!

It passed. I mentioned it to Hubby who is worried about me and Bean now, but I figured it was a one off and tried to forget about it.

This afternoon it happened again. Same sort of time of day. This time, being a weekend, I have all the kids with me. Georgie was napping again and the other two were playing nicely and quietly in the same room as me (a rare thing, it happens some times, but it's not enough to through me into a panic).

I'm not aware of being worried about anything. The kids are fine. Me and Hubby are fine. So is work. Even the car insurance is little more than an irritation and certainly not a stress. I have no reason to think there is anything wrong with Bean, I'm assuming everything is fine.

I have my scan on Monday so maybe I am subconsciously worried about that, but I really do feel fine about it. I'm looking forward to it! Can't wait to see my little bean for the first time! I'm certainly nothing like as worried as I was with my others because I'm fairly sure how this pregnancy will go (another 9lb+ boy, another consultant lead GD suspected pregnancy, with another induction booked for a few days before my due date) and if anything I am more confident than I have ever been before. 

Everything is "FINE"! So why the anxiety!? 

*slap self round face*

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