Thursday, November 20, 2014

Problems with "The Boy"

He has no idea how close he is to this!
A few days go I posted about Parent's Evening and how that, despite having had a few run in's with the headmistress, Jack's behaviour had improved following a bout of stupidity in school. I said I was proud of him for turning it around. Especially since he had been included in "Friendship Club" as a role model AND earned he role of Narrator in the Christmas Show.

I am officially taking it back!

Last week Friendship Club was cancelled thanks to some awful behaviour from Jack and 2 of the other kids. All three of us mums were spoken to about it. I was livid! I couldn't (and still can't) understand why he would be given this special honour and then throw it away.

(ETA: "Awful Behaviour" included climbing on chairs and tables, screaming & shouting, using "silly" words, rummaging through the teachers drawers, refusal to do as they were asked. I believe there was more but this is the list I was given)

On Monday he should have gone to Beavers but he decided he wasn't going to eat his dinner. Instead he was going to whine, moan, mess about, wind his brothers up... I could go on and on. I told him if he didn't eat his dinner he wasn't going to Beavers. He complained of a poorly tummy at this point. I replied with if he was too poorly to eat he was too poorly to go. He burst into tears, which then turned into hysteria. And then he was sick. I'm still not 100% sure if he was genuinely poorly or if he was sick because of his hysterics. Either way he didn't go. There has been a D&V bug going round school though, so he got the benefit of the doubt. It also meant he HAD to stay off school for 48 hours (school policy on vomiting).

Today he was back at school, having been a perfect picture of health for the full 48 hours (adding to my theory that he was sick from hysterics not a D&V bug). He promised me faithfully that he would be good. Especially as he has been selected to be a narrator in the school Christmas Show - again a great honour, he was chosen because of his exceptional reading skills - and I'd warned him that his teachers would take the role away from him if he couldn't be good.

But sure enough as I went to collect him this afternoon both his teacher and the headmistress where outside the classroom waiting for me. And yes, it was because his behaviour was awful, and yes he was on a last warning for the school play. Just as I had predicted. (ETA: behaviour included poking, chattering, giggling, refusing to stop when asked, silly faces)

But Jack doesn't care. The more he is reprimanded the funnier he thinks it is. He blames everyone else for making him laugh and do stupid things. And I would love to say that he is just copying other kids and pass the blame, or say that the newly qualified teacher might be - or had previously been - too soft with him.... but we all know he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, and take control of him self. This is down to Jack - and to us as his parents.

So I'm taking a hard line. This evening after I had a very stern conversation with him about his behaviour, he has been isolated from the rest of us. He has been in his bed - without toys, games or books. He ate separately from the rest of the family. He did not get a treat after his dinner. He has been told that a bad school report tomorrow means so swimming on Saturday. Likewise he will lose Beavers and Jujitsu for each day I get a bad report. He is missing our trip to meet Santa's reindeer this weekend. In future all day trips and clubs need to be earned. Every. Single. One.

Right now he is being very quiet. He's wisely staying out of my way! But I think he doesn't believe me because he knows I am reluctant to keep him out of a pre-paid activity like his clubs. But I do mean it. I'm annoyed that money will be waisted but I have to take a stand. Reward charts have lost their appeal. We've taken away TV and other technology before and it doesn't have much impact, although now I am cutting technology down across the board! TV will be allowed in the morning AFTER getting ready for school (if there's time) and in the evenings between dinner and bed (again, only if there's time) and any other tech is a treat to be earned. Maybe if it is limited it will become more precious and more deeply missed if lost.

If I get another collaring from the school then I will ask for a dedicated meeting and discuss with them anything more or different that can be done. Because I am running out of ideas, and actually strangling your first born son is frowned upon by social services.



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